In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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