It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
