i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
