I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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