Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
