Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
