you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
