I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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