As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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