Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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