I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
