I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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