I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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