By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
