Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize