I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
