Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
