If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize