its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize