i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
vagina is talking i cant
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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