I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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