I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
