i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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