sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
