I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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