All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
