break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
