I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
