i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
