i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just cut my nipple shaving
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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