I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
