With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
