In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
