Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
