You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In other news, I just burned my penis
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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