I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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