i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
