Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
