Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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