I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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