White coat. Heels.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
