Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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