we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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