I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
