I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
