no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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