I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
