I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
