you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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