i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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