So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize