The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My penis needs a shock collar
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dicks are not precious.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
