After last night, I could never be a politician.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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