Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
