Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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