he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
