Duck Duck Cougar?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
