fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
