There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize