I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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