Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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