No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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