Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
