I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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