She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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