Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
