you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize