Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
