that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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