Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
