went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why do cheetos always look like penises
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize