So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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