There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
