We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
