I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
