Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
