one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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