The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
