You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
