Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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