I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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