Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
