Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There r osticjed everywhere
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
