If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
