I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
When did angry sex become our thing?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
