...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
