i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
