we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
