Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My penis needs a shock collar
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
