Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
