He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just forgot I was standing up.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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