Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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