you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
