C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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