i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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